So it's been just over one month since I started my dreads. They were started with some t&r which was fairly unsuccessful due to not really trying to make them perfect. But, learning that that stuff doesn't matter anyhow, since the hair has to be allowed to do what it wants to do, which is mat itself into dreads on it's own, well, it makes the whole t&r thing a moot point.
A couple of weeks ago, after washing my hair, it felt like a humongous mass of knotted hair at the nape of my neck. My hair loves to knot there naturally... hmmm... it felt like it wasn't doing what it should be doing. that manner of thinking, is exactly incorrect though. It was doing exactly what it should be doing to dread. We really are taught to manage everything so much in society that even when you know, sometimes you find yourself being a slave to holding onto concepts and ideas, that really, don't matter, and are counterproductive.
I had my husband separate the big tangle in the back into my hair that was sort of in it's own sections. I had some tiny baby dreads in the back of my hair that joined together as one. It's actually rather interesting to watch your hair evolve and change on it's own. There are many other times in my life that I've witnessed this... being pregnant with my children, and watching my body change, and watching all of my kids grow, through gardening and watching Nature do what it does best when it's undisturbed. I love watching life unfold when you guide, but let life happen and evolve without trying to over-manage it all.
So, back to my hair. Every time I wash my hair it feels like it's completely tangled up and unraveling at the same time. However.... after it dries it feels super soft and like it's going to just lay flat and easy and never dread. Then, boom! I feel my hair again later in the day and suddenly it feels like it just dreaded itself more. It is the coolest thing! Have faith Christina, it is doing what it should be doing, and what you want. When I felt it this last time I washed it, and thought I had the whole knotted thing going on again, I asked my husband what it looks like and he told me it looks normal, just like I have lots of hair and it's sort of fluffy, but it doesn't look like a big knot like it feels like to me. Hmmm..... curious. So, I reach back again a little bit later and discover that the knots are not knots, but they are matted dreads. The first few inches of the tops of my baby dreads in the back are locking up! They are dreading themselves. What an amazing feeling that my hair is doing what I want, finally. Ah, patience. I know I have it. I have five children, they test it every day. I've had four unassisted home births, the last two pregnancies going to 42 weeks nearly, and me trusting my body and Nature in that regard; I know I have patience. But, I am never satisfied with where I am, and will always strive to see if there is more that I can learn. More that I can understand, when I just let go and allow myself to grasp it.
My dread journey is cool. So very cool so far. What started as a wish for a new hairstyle turned into the opposite; a quest for complete peace, and a lesson in letting go. It's been the best thing I've done in a LONG time, for my spirit.